Let me start by saying that I am far from perfect. I am at a good place now in my life, but, in my younger years (pre-22) I did and was involved in all manner of things both morally and legally questionable. Don't take this as some sort of bragging. I just want to preface these comments by admitting my own faults.
What this post means to me is an expression of both concern and bewilderment with where our country is currently. There are, and have always been, extreme nut jobs in our country. Kind of the nature of the beast when we offer such freedom and have such a varied stock of citizenry. That being a given, I am going to be addressing what is spewing forth from what should be reasonable members of society. It is as if the Zombie Apocalypse has manifested itself by taking the rational thought from our society!!
As my friends will tell you I am an open book. Ripe for the taking. Ask about me and with very few exceptions you will get a complete and un censored answer. I am a fiscal conservative and a social libertarian. In matter of the law I am what is commonly known as one who ascribes to the "Intent of the Framers" of our constitution. I have my own views of right and wrong, both moral and functional in parameter. I try to weigh issues and candidates carefully and as completely as possible. I will give an example: I do not agree with our current administration on many issues. However, I don't doubt that there is conviction and true belief in what they THINK is right. Is there anyone else out there who thinks in this manner?
As you switch from news channel to news channel you hear different takes on the same continual spectacle of drama/hate/hyperbole.absolute exclusion. It is as if the ideas of common ground and principled disagreements have lost their meanings. How did this happen? What sort of parents taught their kids to think this way? How has our country divorced itself so completely from the concept of community in it's pure and loving state? I have my own idea on where it started but will reserve that for discussion......
Tell me friends, can you think about issues and candidates with logic and discernment without listening to the offensive rabble-rousing thrown at you by the media? I challenge you. Can we stop attacking those we disagree with? I strongly disagree with some of my friends on various issues (K and R know what I mean;p ) but I love them. They aren't "bad", "evil" or "stupid". They have different perspectives than I do and those perceptions color ALL of our choices. So please, engage in thought. Discuss if you like. Disagree if you must. But don't stoop :( We are better than that. God Bless America and save us all!!
Monday, July 2, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Why am I (and those like me) to blame for EVERYTHING!!
This one is going to be a little touchy, but those who know me know that I don't fear saying the unpopular truth as I see it. First, a little background of my young life in order to give some perspective to my question. I was born in Indianapolis to an auto body repairman and a part-time homemaker/part-time clerical worker. Until I was four we lived in a working class neighborhood near 46th between Shadeland and Arlington Avenues. From there we moved into a house near Ft Harrison in Lawrence. Things were looking up. Better neighborhood and schools and a bigger house with a yard. That lasted 3 years.
When I was 8 my parents divorced. Fairly shortly thereafter my mother got remarried to what turned out to be an absolute prick. As a result, we moved first to Connecticut for 2 years and then on to Atlanta in pursuit of his half-assed career as a warehouse manager. In CT we lived in a cesspool known as Waterbury. Sorry if I offend, but parts of AFG are nicer than that crime infested dumping ground for human waste. We lived in an apartment complex surrounded by projects and shitty rental houses. I knew it was awesome when on the first day at the new school I asked a kid for directions to class and he punched in the gut without a word. The second week there a 3rd grader got stabbed in the stomach with a broken coat hanger on the playground.....nice :( Next two years SSDD. Horrible school, bad kids, seething poverty and an unfamiliar culture.
The asshole got transferred and we were off to Atlanta. It held some promise for me. Better weather and romanticized visions of the South. In the ATL we were kind of in a reversed situation. Instead of being one of the better off kids in a really horrible situation I became the poor kid in a better situation. We moved into decent apartments on the edge of a nice neighborhood and went to good schools. Again, I was dumped into a new culture. Now I was a "Yankee". A big deal to some. One top of that I was obviously not as well off as most of the kids (as a pre-teen through 14 it was clothes, video games, etc). I did make some good friends though, including Jack, Mark, Robb and some others in Scouts.
School and community wise things were definitely better. At home things got steadily worse. The asshole became increasingly mean towards all of us. He was(is?) a twisted piece of shit and my mother finally got sick of him and put him out. Again things were looking up a little. At least we had peace at home. My mom was a rock. Although I didn't agree with her decision to divorce my dad, I never had any doubt that she loved me with all her heart or that in her own way she was trying to do her best for me. She would always sacrifice in order to provide for us.
A couple of months after the asshole left Mom went to the doctor as she was having trouble sleeping. She described it as severe heartburn whenever she laid down. The doctor decided it was a hiatal hernia and scheduled her for surgery. Upon opening her up the doc discovered his folly :( The pain she was having wasn't from a hernia...she was littered with cancer. Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma to be more precise. That was September. My Grandmother (a nurse) flew down to be with us and help out. The prognosis was not good so Mom and my Grandparents made the decision her to move to Michigan so that she would have our family's support(both of my Mom's brother are also there) and Grandma could care for Mom while she got treatment. I was going to live with my dad. The call was made and, I shit you not, his wife at the time convinced him that my Mom was not really sick and that for some reason she was trying to pawn me off on them. That woman was a festering CUNT(yep I said it and don't regret it). So off to Detroit I went to live with my Uncle just after Christmas. Not the easiest man in the world but he took care of me and did what he could. My Mom fought til the end and passed in the Spring. At that point my Dad and the Cunt could no longer deny what was going on.
So....off I went back to INDPLS. My Dad lives in a tiny house, in a shitty neighborhood, with horrible schools....YEAH!! Add to that a mean and uncaring Stepmother and it was not exactly a nurturing environment. I decided to play football at my new school (big ups to my teammates) and it was the best thing I could have done. This was my Junior year. On varsity that year there was myself and a well-meaning redneck named Chris as the only white guys. It was a new situation for me but I will always be thankful that my teammates treated me as one of their own. They didn't know me from Adam but it didn't matter. My two years at there were as good as they could have been. I continued to do well in school and made a lot of friends (as a side note my 25th reunion is this Summer and it kills me to be in AFG instead of there...miss them all). Senior year I did well enough on my SATs to secure an academic scholarship to Ball State.....
A ramble I know, but, I wanted you to realize that I have never been rich, well off, entitled, spoiled, privileged, a member of the "in crowd", had a silver spoon or had anything given to me. Everything that I have or have done was through my own effort and the grace of God. I have a BS, a JD, a nice home and a wonderful family. My point follows......
Considering the above, imagine how hard it is for me to continue to swallow comments from individuals to me directly and reports from the media which describe my demographic in exactly those terms. Then imagine that on top of that they use those descriptions as the basis for blaming "us" for every ill from bullying to sexual harassment to geo-political issues spanning the globe. \
As I have made my own way in life, I expect others to do the same. I have never been given the so-called advantages that most attach to my demographic description and have STILL succeeded. Advantages, or lack there of, are not the reasons for success or failure, only parts of the equation. The problem is that my demographic continues to be blamed for the lack of success, in the many ways it can be measured, in the many and varied other demographics. Here are a few of the questions/accusations that are directed at us:
Why aren't there more women in political office?
Why aren't there more minorities in office?
Why do white men have higher success rates in school/business?
With each of those being tinged with the accusation of some inherent unfairness or discrimination caused by folks like me.
I have been witness to discrimination many times and would never say that it doesn't exist. However, lets not be some simple minded as to think that it only some thing that white men engage in. Here are a couple of examples from my own life: 1) I once asked a young lady from school if she would go out with me. Her reply was that she never could. I asked why and she replied that if she went out with a white guy her father would kill us both and had told her so. 2) While a senior I received a phone call at home one night congratulating me on my SAT success and offering me a scholarship for the next school year. The caller went on to explain how he was from a "prestigious black fraternity". I asked him if he knew that I was white and he hung up. 3) Finally, as an adult I lived in NC for a time near Fayette-nam er ah I mean -ville. On numerous occasions I walked into shops and stores, as the only white guy there, and would have the clerks literally turn and walk away instead of helping me.
While I don't know what all the exact motivations in these instances were, I do know that they were directed at me or affected me based on someones perception of what it means to be a white man.
In all other circumstances these actions would be unacceptable and brought to life as horrible events. But folks like me are fair game. Anyone and everyone is allowed to take shots at us without fear of reprisal or uproar. We still hear about Rodney King, but what about Ronald Denny(sp)? I guess in the end what I am trying to get across is that we should all be responsible for our own destiny and success. As our country changes demographically this becomes especially important. At what point does the blame game stop? At what point is there enough of a perceived power shift? At what point do folks like me get to stop being assigned an identity based on some "Leave it to Beaver" fantasy of what it means to be a white man? Don't take this as being anti-anyone or group....I just want to be treated and dealt with based on my actions and words.
When I was 8 my parents divorced. Fairly shortly thereafter my mother got remarried to what turned out to be an absolute prick. As a result, we moved first to Connecticut for 2 years and then on to Atlanta in pursuit of his half-assed career as a warehouse manager. In CT we lived in a cesspool known as Waterbury. Sorry if I offend, but parts of AFG are nicer than that crime infested dumping ground for human waste. We lived in an apartment complex surrounded by projects and shitty rental houses. I knew it was awesome when on the first day at the new school I asked a kid for directions to class and he punched in the gut without a word. The second week there a 3rd grader got stabbed in the stomach with a broken coat hanger on the playground.....nice :( Next two years SSDD. Horrible school, bad kids, seething poverty and an unfamiliar culture.
The asshole got transferred and we were off to Atlanta. It held some promise for me. Better weather and romanticized visions of the South. In the ATL we were kind of in a reversed situation. Instead of being one of the better off kids in a really horrible situation I became the poor kid in a better situation. We moved into decent apartments on the edge of a nice neighborhood and went to good schools. Again, I was dumped into a new culture. Now I was a "Yankee". A big deal to some. One top of that I was obviously not as well off as most of the kids (as a pre-teen through 14 it was clothes, video games, etc). I did make some good friends though, including Jack, Mark, Robb and some others in Scouts.
School and community wise things were definitely better. At home things got steadily worse. The asshole became increasingly mean towards all of us. He was(is?) a twisted piece of shit and my mother finally got sick of him and put him out. Again things were looking up a little. At least we had peace at home. My mom was a rock. Although I didn't agree with her decision to divorce my dad, I never had any doubt that she loved me with all her heart or that in her own way she was trying to do her best for me. She would always sacrifice in order to provide for us.
A couple of months after the asshole left Mom went to the doctor as she was having trouble sleeping. She described it as severe heartburn whenever she laid down. The doctor decided it was a hiatal hernia and scheduled her for surgery. Upon opening her up the doc discovered his folly :( The pain she was having wasn't from a hernia...she was littered with cancer. Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma to be more precise. That was September. My Grandmother (a nurse) flew down to be with us and help out. The prognosis was not good so Mom and my Grandparents made the decision her to move to Michigan so that she would have our family's support(both of my Mom's brother are also there) and Grandma could care for Mom while she got treatment. I was going to live with my dad. The call was made and, I shit you not, his wife at the time convinced him that my Mom was not really sick and that for some reason she was trying to pawn me off on them. That woman was a festering CUNT(yep I said it and don't regret it). So off to Detroit I went to live with my Uncle just after Christmas. Not the easiest man in the world but he took care of me and did what he could. My Mom fought til the end and passed in the Spring. At that point my Dad and the Cunt could no longer deny what was going on.
So....off I went back to INDPLS. My Dad lives in a tiny house, in a shitty neighborhood, with horrible schools....YEAH!! Add to that a mean and uncaring Stepmother and it was not exactly a nurturing environment. I decided to play football at my new school (big ups to my teammates) and it was the best thing I could have done. This was my Junior year. On varsity that year there was myself and a well-meaning redneck named Chris as the only white guys. It was a new situation for me but I will always be thankful that my teammates treated me as one of their own. They didn't know me from Adam but it didn't matter. My two years at there were as good as they could have been. I continued to do well in school and made a lot of friends (as a side note my 25th reunion is this Summer and it kills me to be in AFG instead of there...miss them all). Senior year I did well enough on my SATs to secure an academic scholarship to Ball State.....
A ramble I know, but, I wanted you to realize that I have never been rich, well off, entitled, spoiled, privileged, a member of the "in crowd", had a silver spoon or had anything given to me. Everything that I have or have done was through my own effort and the grace of God. I have a BS, a JD, a nice home and a wonderful family. My point follows......
Considering the above, imagine how hard it is for me to continue to swallow comments from individuals to me directly and reports from the media which describe my demographic in exactly those terms. Then imagine that on top of that they use those descriptions as the basis for blaming "us" for every ill from bullying to sexual harassment to geo-political issues spanning the globe. \
As I have made my own way in life, I expect others to do the same. I have never been given the so-called advantages that most attach to my demographic description and have STILL succeeded. Advantages, or lack there of, are not the reasons for success or failure, only parts of the equation. The problem is that my demographic continues to be blamed for the lack of success, in the many ways it can be measured, in the many and varied other demographics. Here are a few of the questions/accusations that are directed at us:
Why aren't there more women in political office?
Why aren't there more minorities in office?
Why do white men have higher success rates in school/business?
With each of those being tinged with the accusation of some inherent unfairness or discrimination caused by folks like me.
I have been witness to discrimination many times and would never say that it doesn't exist. However, lets not be some simple minded as to think that it only some thing that white men engage in. Here are a couple of examples from my own life: 1) I once asked a young lady from school if she would go out with me. Her reply was that she never could. I asked why and she replied that if she went out with a white guy her father would kill us both and had told her so. 2) While a senior I received a phone call at home one night congratulating me on my SAT success and offering me a scholarship for the next school year. The caller went on to explain how he was from a "prestigious black fraternity". I asked him if he knew that I was white and he hung up. 3) Finally, as an adult I lived in NC for a time near Fayette-nam er ah I mean -ville. On numerous occasions I walked into shops and stores, as the only white guy there, and would have the clerks literally turn and walk away instead of helping me.
While I don't know what all the exact motivations in these instances were, I do know that they were directed at me or affected me based on someones perception of what it means to be a white man.
In all other circumstances these actions would be unacceptable and brought to life as horrible events. But folks like me are fair game. Anyone and everyone is allowed to take shots at us without fear of reprisal or uproar. We still hear about Rodney King, but what about Ronald Denny(sp)? I guess in the end what I am trying to get across is that we should all be responsible for our own destiny and success. As our country changes demographically this becomes especially important. At what point does the blame game stop? At what point is there enough of a perceived power shift? At what point do folks like me get to stop being assigned an identity based on some "Leave it to Beaver" fantasy of what it means to be a white man? Don't take this as being anti-anyone or group....I just want to be treated and dealt with based on my actions and words.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Why All Those Cosmo-ish Cover Stories about "How to Please Your Man...etc" are bullshit!!!
This is one that I have brought up with my female friends and my wife on a regular basis and it still ASTOUNDS me that women keep on listening to/reading this crap. Ladies, I will spell it out for you in a minute, but let's start by stating the basic fact: Men are simple creatures who are motivated by fairly basic needs and wants. I said it and it is true ;)
So here is the spelling part. All you need to know about keeping your man happy, and in turn making your life much more pleasant, are The Three Fs!! First, Food. I list Food first as it is the least important. For some men having a nice meal prepared for them is an important thing. It shows attention and effort on your part, especially if it is a specific favorite of his. I say this is the least important F because today there are far more men who can and do cook for themselves. Take myself, while it is really nice when my wife cooks for us, I love to cook and believe I am fairly good at it. Add in a little control issue/"my way is the best" and most of the time I would just as soon cook for us. So while Food is a consideration, it is the little brother in this family.
Second in the triumvirate is being Friendly/nice. While it sounds overly simple it is not, I assure you. With long term relationships comes complacency and a general lack of thought towards the other parties feelings. In relationships men's feelings are often overlooked or not considered to be in need of as much attention. As I have said previously, although we are not as outwardly emotional we are more internally sensitive than most women realize. Thoughtful words and touches mean a lot to us. Speaking in civil tones and including references to your love/desire for us add the reassurance we crave. As we move on to the final F keep in mind that being Friendly and the next F go hand in hand and I would say compose a special "equation" of sorts.
The final F.....that's right...I hope you saw it coming.....just F@#k him!!!! Sorry to be so rude about it, but really? Should I even have to say this one aloud? For all of the psycho-babble crap and the exultation of new and improved positions and tricks it comes down to the simplest terms. Men generally love and crave sex. It is in our DNA for us to try and procreate as much as possible. If you are questioning whether you are having sex enough the answer is probably "no" from his perspective. At this point, as a woman, you should be excited to now have the key!! (smirk) The fact that we are influenced so heavily by this F should be painfully apparent to you as females. We chase you because of it, we buy you things because of it, we enter into relationships with you because of it (at least partly) and we continue you be with you (again at least partly) because of it. When coupled with the previous F, being Friendly, you get the Magic Equation. It goes something like this:
A+B=C where A is the degree of Friendliness, B is the amount of F(sex) and the result,C, is the outcome of your man staying happily in a relationship with you.
This may seem simple but remember one thing. While C is known, A and B are variables. In this context that means that you have the ability to manipulate both of them in order to maintain your C. I will postulate this: The more you F@#k a man the less he cares about how Friendly you are to him (let alone poor little Food) and to a lesser degree the reverse is true. Being really Friendly will get you good will, but in the end what you have thought all along is ultimately true. We men are truly ruled by our libidos.
So.....quit buying those magazines.....quit looking for other "touchy feely" explanations and realize that the solution to your question/problem is probably in your own hands(insert favorite body part as you wish) :>)
TUM
So here is the spelling part. All you need to know about keeping your man happy, and in turn making your life much more pleasant, are The Three Fs!! First, Food. I list Food first as it is the least important. For some men having a nice meal prepared for them is an important thing. It shows attention and effort on your part, especially if it is a specific favorite of his. I say this is the least important F because today there are far more men who can and do cook for themselves. Take myself, while it is really nice when my wife cooks for us, I love to cook and believe I am fairly good at it. Add in a little control issue/"my way is the best" and most of the time I would just as soon cook for us. So while Food is a consideration, it is the little brother in this family.
Second in the triumvirate is being Friendly/nice. While it sounds overly simple it is not, I assure you. With long term relationships comes complacency and a general lack of thought towards the other parties feelings. In relationships men's feelings are often overlooked or not considered to be in need of as much attention. As I have said previously, although we are not as outwardly emotional we are more internally sensitive than most women realize. Thoughtful words and touches mean a lot to us. Speaking in civil tones and including references to your love/desire for us add the reassurance we crave. As we move on to the final F keep in mind that being Friendly and the next F go hand in hand and I would say compose a special "equation" of sorts.
The final F.....that's right...I hope you saw it coming.....just F@#k him!!!! Sorry to be so rude about it, but really? Should I even have to say this one aloud? For all of the psycho-babble crap and the exultation of new and improved positions and tricks it comes down to the simplest terms. Men generally love and crave sex. It is in our DNA for us to try and procreate as much as possible. If you are questioning whether you are having sex enough the answer is probably "no" from his perspective. At this point, as a woman, you should be excited to now have the key!! (smirk) The fact that we are influenced so heavily by this F should be painfully apparent to you as females. We chase you because of it, we buy you things because of it, we enter into relationships with you because of it (at least partly) and we continue you be with you (again at least partly) because of it. When coupled with the previous F, being Friendly, you get the Magic Equation. It goes something like this:
A+B=C where A is the degree of Friendliness, B is the amount of F(sex) and the result,C, is the outcome of your man staying happily in a relationship with you.
This may seem simple but remember one thing. While C is known, A and B are variables. In this context that means that you have the ability to manipulate both of them in order to maintain your C. I will postulate this: The more you F@#k a man the less he cares about how Friendly you are to him (let alone poor little Food) and to a lesser degree the reverse is true. Being really Friendly will get you good will, but in the end what you have thought all along is ultimately true. We men are truly ruled by our libidos.
So.....quit buying those magazines.....quit looking for other "touchy feely" explanations and realize that the solution to your question/problem is probably in your own hands(insert favorite body part as you wish) :>)
TUM
Friday, May 25, 2012
The big one......SEX and the MLC....
So what are your thoughts on this subject? From my experience and through my interactions I find that most men are some where around this neighborhood..... They still have a pretty substantial drive and find that their performance is different and in some ways better. Stamina has replaced repetition and an actual desire to please their woman is much more common. The predatory "tail chasing" of youth has faded. While the stereotype of MLC men is that they are going to "trade in" to a newer model I find this to be a gross misstatement. I believe that most MLC aged men are happy with a giving. loving woman of their own age. Where I see the stereotype coming from are the consequences of break-ups/divorces.
While men, I believe, are happy with partners their own age, when faced with finding a new partner the dynamic changes. When we are young women are truly in charge of the dating/mating scene. Men chase tail as if our life depended on it and are much more easily manipulated. As we age, we gain a few things that shift the game. First, we are more confident in who we are and care less about what others think of us. Next, we are more successful and bring a larger portion of "things" to the table. Finally, younger women seem to be attracted to older men with these assets (too a certain degree anyway). Couple these with the fact that single women the age of MLC men almost all come with serious baggage (bad relationship history, kids and exes, a naturally lower level of physical attractiveness etc) and men will naturally opt for the younger, prettier and less encumbered mate given a choice between two of equal compatibility. Not all, but a good amount.
Is this wrong? Are men specifically looking to break-up/divorce in order to "trade in/up"? I say no. But think of it in these terms: You have a car that you love. Over the years it has served you well and you have nothing but good will and happy memories in that car. Suddenly the car becomes unreliable. It leaves you stranded by the side of the road. This may be because of lack of maintenance on your part or on because of poor workmanship on the part of the manufacturer, who is to say? Whoever, when faced with replacing the car are you going to pay the same amount of money for a brand new car with no maintenance costs in the near future or a car the same age and condition as the one that just left you stranded? Hmmmmmmmm.....
What say you all?
While men, I believe, are happy with partners their own age, when faced with finding a new partner the dynamic changes. When we are young women are truly in charge of the dating/mating scene. Men chase tail as if our life depended on it and are much more easily manipulated. As we age, we gain a few things that shift the game. First, we are more confident in who we are and care less about what others think of us. Next, we are more successful and bring a larger portion of "things" to the table. Finally, younger women seem to be attracted to older men with these assets (too a certain degree anyway). Couple these with the fact that single women the age of MLC men almost all come with serious baggage (bad relationship history, kids and exes, a naturally lower level of physical attractiveness etc) and men will naturally opt for the younger, prettier and less encumbered mate given a choice between two of equal compatibility. Not all, but a good amount.
Is this wrong? Are men specifically looking to break-up/divorce in order to "trade in/up"? I say no. But think of it in these terms: You have a car that you love. Over the years it has served you well and you have nothing but good will and happy memories in that car. Suddenly the car becomes unreliable. It leaves you stranded by the side of the road. This may be because of lack of maintenance on your part or on because of poor workmanship on the part of the manufacturer, who is to say? Whoever, when faced with replacing the car are you going to pay the same amount of money for a brand new car with no maintenance costs in the near future or a car the same age and condition as the one that just left you stranded? Hmmmmmmmm.....
What say you all?
Sunday, May 20, 2012
First Things First.....
Okie doke campers here are the first questions: 1) When do you think men enter the supposed Mid Life Crisis (MLC from here on out)? 2) What is the first symptom and what do you think it means?
In the beginning...a little about me :)
To get us started I will tell you a little about myself. I am a married 40-something guy with two great kids and a very good life. But (there is always a but) as I have grown and gotten older I have noticed things, been exposed directly to things and had things impact me as I male that I am finding harder and harder to accept. To go along with that, I think that women tend to make relationships with men much more complicated than the have to be and I am here as a resource to answer your questions as honestly and completely as I can. Don't expect warm and fuzzy here. As I once told a friend whose wife didn't like the direct nature of one of my replies "If I am not sleeping with you, I am not going to sugar coat my answer to keep you happy". More on that to follow.....Anyway welcome to my mental and emotional playground. Let's get started!!
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